Just a day after Apple captured the attention of tech world with its groundbreaking new iPad, a high-powered mobile device similar to the iPhone but larger, Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer announced a new rival product called “Just A Huge Fucking Zune.”
“You know what, fuck you guys,” said Ballmer in the opening moments of his keynote address. “I’ve given you tablet computers for years. And nobody gives a flying fuck,” he continued, “but here comes Steve fucking Jobs and everybody pretends like this fickle old fucking wench of a computing device category never even fucking existed.” Ballmer then angrily advanced his PowerPoint slides to reveal the new product: a twelve-by-ten-inch Zune MP3 player.
Ballmer announced the new device would come in 8GB and 16GB sizes. As for other features, he explained, “it’s just a big fucking Zune, okay?” and then stormed off stage to “go scrap the fucking Surface department.”